self portrait

::me, today::

One thing is for sure about hardship -- it makes you look at yourself.

I have learned a lot about myself in the past week. Here is what I glean:

In the face of uncertainty, my first instinct is to nurture the heck out of my family (whether they like it or not!). I haven't cooked so many things from scratch in... a while.

Cleaning my house is therapeutic to me. Okay, maybe I already knew that, but now I REALLY know it.

I have spent hundreds of dollars worth of therapy chatting it all out with my friends and family via email, text, quick and long phone calls, and even my blog. It is therapeutic for me to put words to my thoughts and emotions. Kind of like making a to do list. Just having all of it down in black and white makes it more manageable, even though it is still a lot to work through.

I am not perfect. Far from. My fuse has been shorter too. I have snapped at my husband and kids this week. Part of me doesn't want them to feel the burden of this and feel the need to treat me different or special, but then I do feel angry when I am faced with the usual irritants that prove too much to handle in addition to "this."

I am strong. Maybe stronger than I thought. I guess I haven't really had much hardship before. I have worked hard and struggled sure, but not had too many disappointments, honestly. I am impressed with my own ability to cope, which makes me love this reflection in this dirty computer monitor just a tiny bit more.